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I have outlined below 30 rules of the road for men to use in becoming a gentleman and finding a life partner. It is an arbitrary number because there are probably hundreds of ideas or rules of thumb men use in their daily lives. I believe these ideas would be of value to anyone because they are easy to understand and use.

The first 10 to 12 ideas represent 80% of the real value of the Rules of the Road for men.  The remaining 20 ideas or so, while helpful, supplement the first twelve.

1. Become truly self-aware. Become a student of your behavior and personality. Write a one-page statement of who you are, what you believe, and what your values are.

2. Decide what you want in a life partner and why. What behaviors, personality, physical traits, and values are essential? Know what you will not accept, that is, what are the deal-breakers and show stoppers?

3. Remember the Three C’s—chemistry, communication, and compatibility. These three elements are the foundation of any relationship. I want to thank Dr. Patricia Allen for this concept. She has written extensively in her books on the three C’s.

4. Become a superior communicator by learning to listen well and by paying attention to the tone of voice, use of emotive words, and body language.

5. Develop and pay attention to your intuition (your gut feel), and never take any action that is counter to your intuition.

6. Keep a journal of your search and write in it as often as possible. Record your thoughts and what you have learned.

7. Become a student of women. Read about their issues and what concerns them.

8. Practice seeing women as fellow human beings, not as the enemy. Do not fall into the trap of seeing men and women in the proverbial War of the Sexes. The War of the Sexes is an old paradigm that rightfully belongs on the ash-heap of bad ideas.

9. Give women the gift of attention. When you talk with a woman, any woman, give her the gift of attention.

10. Watch what she does, not what she says. Actions do speak louder than words.

11. Learn to ask lots of questions because that is the only way to find our if you are genuinely compatible and if she is a woman of value.

12. Talk with every woman you can; you can learn from all of them.

13. Become a true friend to several women. Those friendships will serve you well in many aspects of life.

14. Learn to smile at women and to smile frequently. A smile is a great way to introduce yourself.

15. Talk with men and women who have successful relationships and ask them what they consider the secrets of their success.

16. Never try to change a woman or anyone for that matter. Accept everyone as they are. You cannot change anyone, but you can create an environment for the other person to change.

17. Practice the Golden and Platinum Rules. Treat others as you would like to be treated, which is the Golden Rule. And, treat others as they want to be treated, which is the Platinum Rule.

18. Stop playing games with women or with anyone for that matter. Become an authentic person and a person of integrity and value.

19. Cultivate a soft speaking voice and develop an excellent vocabulary.

20. Develop a sense of humor and learn to laugh at yourself. Learn not to take yourself too seriously.

21. Live your life with as much passion and joy as you can.

22. Always be a gentleman. Practice common courtesy and civility at all times towards everyone, but especially to women.

23. Always dress well, even when you are dressing casually. Shine your shoes, comb your hair, and shave daily.

24. Never use vulgar language or tell off-color jokes in front of a woman.

25. Learn the proper rules of dining etiquette.

26. Practice and maintain a high level of personal hygiene. That means clean socks, clean underwear, and clean shirts.

27. Learn how to dance and to dance well. Dancing is something that you and your partner will enjoy for the rest of your life.

28. Never stop learning and growing. Read and reflect every day.

29. Do not drink to excess, especially in social situations.

30. Look for a woman of value during those activities and sports that you enjoy, such as travel, playing cards, service clubs, playing tennis, etc.

In future posts, I will write about many of these 30 ideas in more detail.